Kryptonite and the Red Stone

First of all, the actress was gorgeous in every frame, SRK looked like an ass in the whole movie and I don't know why Vinay Pathak needed to be there unless it was from shitloads of money. The movie, movie was good. Not awesome, but worth watching with someone - preferably with a girl, and definitely not with Sridhar cause he would've killed a nice movie.

And I still don't understand what is it with me and people making out in the theatre! There has to be someone like that whenever I'm in the hall!!

Anyway, the movie was nice. After the first 15 minutes or so you kinda figure out what's gonna happen but then I guess that's not what the movie is about. Its about this guy Surinder Sahni getting married to this girl Taani suddenly when the guy she's supposed to marry dies and then him making her fall in love with him, which, is the point of the movie. Phew...

The movie started good, and for a while it was all nice but then SRK started singing Haule Haule because his wife gave him a yellow tiffin for work and people started making out in the theatre. But it kinda did turn out for good because the heroine then started smiling a little more and MAN does she look beautiful!! There's isn't one second in the movie in which Anushka Sharma doesn't look like an angel. Anyway, then she starts dancing and though she looked awesome in tracks too, the movie becomes somewhat unrealistic. SRK develops this alternate personality called Raj with Vinay Pathak's help to see how happy she is and then accidently becomes her dance partner. He makes her laugh and tries to do crazy shit. Of course, he can't dance. And that is how you make crap out of a perfectly believable story. Of course, they also try to pull a Dhoom 2 with all the same music, same stunts and of all the people, Abhishek's bike.

This is also the time when you accept that no matter how good this movie can be, its never going to be great. There's this song in which many stars make an appearance and this is the song which makes this movie so f**kin ordinary. The movie loses all of its originality and becomes crap. And then remains crap for some time. I guess you stop making great movies when you needlessly try to up it with fake stuff when the original is doing so good.

So anyway, good stuff and bad stuff happens for some 1 more hour which involves Anushka Sharma still looking beautiful and movie still overdoing itself. In the end she ends up with the Surinder Sahni version which everyone knew was going to happen. If you have a Sridhar near you, he'll start telling you why they ended it with the Surinder Sahni version holding the girl and he'll be right.

Inspite of all the screw ups, the movie turns out nice and makes you feel happy. And I know I've said it enough for one article now, but Anushka Sharma looks awesome. And I know I haven't said it enough for one article, SRK is an ass.


Go watch the movie. Its good.

PS1: Stay till the end credits. This last part is funny. Everyone who stood up to go out stayed for this part.

PS2: Someone hit my car really bad from behind while I was returning after someone hit that car from behind. I'm fine by the way. I kept that as my status message for 1 day and NO ONE asked me how I was! Thank You.

BITS Pilani, Goa Campus is going to have its awesome technical fest Quark 09 from Feb 7-9 2009 and I guess its much much better a topic that to talk about one more annoying movie I watched, which have been many since Love Story 2050. Anyways, Quark is going to be much bigger and better this time. Also the tag line for Quark 09 is Technical Renaissance, which I believe absolutely reflects what Quark is all about.. Also, someone stole my precious little dictionary, so I still don't know what it means. So anyway, check out the Quark website. Its really great, and has everything you wanna know about Quark.






Also, the mascot for Quark this time is this picture on the right. I don't know its name yet, but its hovering like that girl robot Eva from Wall-E.
But I'm sure this one's a boy.
No, I didn't look to confirm.
No, its not mine. I'm human for God's sake! I don't even like robots that much!






So Quark has all these exciting events with really cool sounding names lined up for all people of all races (Punjabis too) and colors (blacks too):

1. Mechagi: The category with all the Junkyard Wars and Popular Mechanics stuff. And you can expect better looking hosts.*
2. Programmers Inc: Some great stuff to do with coding and hacking. the winners get to assist me on my next CIA adventure.**
3. Chemicon: There's this rocket propulsion thing with water, then there's one more cool thing with water, then there's something with lots of chemicals in a factory.***
4. Corporate: Regarding your managerial skills and some more load of crap you keep in your brains. But it is still interesting. Come on, when do you ever get to show how well you can pretend to do nothing?
   
5. Electryst: Your tryst with electricity, and all things 'shock'ing. And there will be some really hot chicks too, so come.****
6. Elixir: Everything that didn't fit anywhere else is in this group. Increases the cool quotient a 'lot' from Micelaneous, doesn't it? The events are really interesting though.*****
7. Roboficial: Its got all the robots. The more 'world destroying' robot you make, the better chances you have of winning. But you can't use conventional fuel or nuclear energy to power it. Its harmful to the environment. There's some bomb thing also, but I don't think you're allowed to take the RDX back with you. Some terrorism thing. A bunch of crap if you ask me. And no, we don't have Hello Kittys.******
   

1. Matka: Its got all the game tournaments for people who think they are too cool. There's Counter-Strike, World of Warcraft, Age of Conquerors, Need for Speed, FIFA and DOTA. There's no Max Payne, so I'm not participating. But you should, I'm a dork.
   
2. Open Showcase: Here you can show all the quirky and exciting stuff you've got. The event promises to draw huge crowds even though there are no naked chicks. That is some promising.
   
3. Paper Presentation: You can present a paper on any topic you've written on. You can't present on 'Nothing'. Believe me, I tried last time.
   
4. Biz Wizards: This one promises to polish your non existent money making skills. Meet me at Food Court after this.
   
5. Googly: I didn't just remove an 'e' from Google and put a 'y'. It really is a very exciting event. I swear.
   

Hero sees the his lady chasing a butterfly in the park. He falls in love when the same butterfly lands on him. When he loses his love, the butterfly lands on the name of the town where his lady is and he finds her again. When he's lost her in 2050, the same Goddamn butterfly is still there to guide him. Butterfly flew from Sydney 2008 to Mumbai 2050 cause it knew that the sonofabitch still wouldn't have found the heroine. Now what do you say to that? One helluva intelligent undead butterfly.

Bow to the great scientist uncle of the hero. Now since every scientist in Hindi movies comes from NASA, this one does too. Even though his work is not even remotely connected to space exploration. But I guess that's not his fault. The bloody director grew up watching Hindi movies. Didn't have time to find out if there existed some other unexplored, located in the back-of-a-truck science lab. Uncle Ya, more like Uncle (wh)Y, left NASA fifteen years ago to invent time machine. Above all that, he makes Kundlis, and believes in re-birth. If that wasn't enough, he already knows everything about 2050. Even fixes a robot in 2050 using an HP laptop of 2008. I bet it was made in Haryana.

He enters as this rough tough guy who smashes his father's car just to get noticed. But you get a taste of things to come when he's playing with a butterfly in the next scene. Harman Baweja looks like the wax statue of Hrithik Roshan stolen from Madame Tussauds. And believe me, he's not one of their best works. Even Priyanka Chopra's pink Teddy Bear acts better than him. Although the whole film is like an advertisement of him, among other things, he's got the most cheesy and crappy dialogues I've ever heard. To give you an idea, lets just say that Aap Ka Surroor was actually a better movie. I bet Harry Baweja and the choreographer watched the Krazzy4 dance a little too many times, and then they forgot how to do it. Also, he's still showing he can do action while screaming for his lady love. Who tries to do a Matrix while crying? And who cries after a dance number?

The robot, Q.T. is a joke on itself. Let's just say that Sunny(the 'I, Robot' robot) is to QT what Hrithik is to Harman. It actually worse here. And yeah, it was created by Sun Microsystems as we are told very clearly. If that's what they are gonna make in the future, even a techno company founded by Jats could outrun them.

She's smokin' hot!!!! Though she doesn't act much either as Sana, the 2008 girl, or Zeisha, the 2050 girl, Priyanka Chopra does look hot. But she chases butterflies, names weird toys Wrinkledinks,kicks a pink teddy bear and writes a diary in both 2008 and 2050. That says it all. Above all that, the bastard Harry Baweja keeps you waiting for that "Thandi Thandi Kiss" we have been promised earlier in the movie. The kiss never comes. Screw you Baweja!!!

The Bawejas have their own Darth Vader too. Although you soon get the feeling that he wouldn't have been cast even in the Star Wars spoof. And although he has developed powers like teleportation, he's still waiting for the NASA dropout to present him with the time machine.

To put it in as few words as possible, the movie sucks, big time. This movie is a 3 hour long advertisement of,

1. Harman Baweja, who is the poor man's Hrithik, who can act though. Anyone who can dare to copy Hrithik that well gotta be a good actor.

2. Sun Microsystems, which is going down the drain, with robots worse than the Made In China crap you get on streets.

3. CEAT tyres, who apparently are still there to celebrate there 100th birthday by venturing into cars. And their car sucks by the way.

4. Lux, which have been duping people like Anuj Saxena for many years now, and apparently continue to dupe his children(if, any) in 2050.

5. Xbox 360. Yes its still Xbox 360 in 2050. That's the Microsoft development plan for you.

All in all, the movie is a crapload combination of advertisements designed as a sleep inducing test by some secretive pharma company which recruited the Bawejas. The result? The miracle drug works!!!!!!!!!!!! I still can't understand why they made it 3 hours long when you can easily fall asleep in 10 minutes. But seriously, the special effects are good. I mean, not only Bollywood good, some of them are even Hollywood good. But the thing is, you are already asleep when they come.I dread that fateful day when I somehow convinced myself to watch this shit. Maybe I am a bigger fool than my friends, you give me credit for.

P.S: Back at home Kaho Naa Pya Hai was on when I returned. Its still a 1000 times better than Crappy Advertisement, 2050.

Nopes, its got nothing to do with what I do in Haryana. That's not Gunda Raj, thats just Jat Raj, whose sole aim is to kick ass of every Punjabi ever born.
This one is about a totally different thing, something which, although could be done in only Haryanvi cinema, but somehow Bollywood managed to do it.
You got it right morons, I'm talkin about the 1998 classic, Gunda!!! Damn, that movie is famous! A coupla days ago NDTV did 15 minutes on the movie! And guess what, its got a 8.4 rating on imdb. There's a fan site, an apparel line, a city in the republic of Buryatia called Gunda, an aussie band called Gunda Guys, and the best one, Gunda Pickle!!

So this one is my interpretation of how the director of the cult classic interpreted the characters in the movie and sought to introduce the everchanging face of India in the 90s in them. (My extraordinary mind used the thesaurus for the last line). And forgive me for comparing them to you guys.

Bulla: His motto is, "Mera naam hai Bulla, rakhta hoon main khullaaaa." While the literalists may interpret this as a declaration that he doesn't wear underwears, the most 'open' minded viewers would agree that Bulla infact represents an 'open' - economy.
BITSian who deserves it all- Sridhar Poojyam! ( I forgot the surname)

Chutiya: Bulla's hermaphrodite brother, who is kept alive through a steady supply of 'London se sex ki goliyan' in hopes that he may one day become a 'mard' represents nothin but the eunuchs, what else.
BITS who deserves the role- Siddharth Sigtia! (Forgive me dude)

Pote: Jo apne baap ke bhi nahin hote, represents those who are illegitimate. Saale kisi bhi baap ke hote to aisi dialogue thode na bolte, "Hum aise lashein bichha denge jaise nanhe munhe bacche ki nunhi se peshaab tapakta hai....tap, tap."

Ibu Hatela: His motto, "Mera naam hai Ibu Hatela, Ma meri chudail ki beti, baap mera shaitan ka chela, khaega kela?". He represents the greedy industrialists who want you to suck on their bananas all day.

Shankar: Played by the Tsar of the Gunda Land, Mithun Chakraborty, he is a coolie who works at the airport. He also has an overweight girlfriend, an even fatter sister and a pet monkey who drives a car. His sister is believed to have lowered her BMI when Lambu Atta stretched her to the limits. Or was it Bulla's sister? Who said, "Munni meri behen munni, to tu mar gayi? Lambu ne tujhe lamba kar diya? Maachis ki teeli ko khamba kar diya?"
BITSian who deserves the role- I'm inclined to say Nishant, but I'll go with Nikunj.

Lambu Atta: Jisne achhe achhon ko lamba kiya hai, is a little short of height himself. I just found this dialogue of his on the net, " Bulla! mere ko mat maar. Mere ko aapna bhadwa bana de. Main ladkiyan supply karte rahoonga aur tu maaze lete rahena. Tere ko AIDS se bachane ke liye nirodh ban jayoonga. Towel baanke tere kamad se lapak jayoonga. Mere ko mat maar. Aur agar maarna hi hain to mujhe cheel-chaal ke chakka bana de. Main sari lapet kar tere liye dance karoonga…"
BITSian who deserves the role- Anuj (Sax)ena! (No one can contest that one!!)

Sorry Shaktiman!

Yeah, that's what you say after you kick someone hard on his ass.

I don't even know why we were fighting. I mean why they were fighting. I was just sitting on the stadium seats occasionally saying 'Sorry Shaktiman' out aloud when Shaktiman yelled a little louder.
I actually truly felt sorry for that guy. First, the newbie came alone. Punjabi amatuer bechara. Jordan and Leel-e-Illahi had the time of their life.
He was actually crying, " Ji main to bas nyun kehen lag rahya tha ke baatcheet te bhi samasya hal ho jaavaigi. Aap to bina baat ke maran laggay!"
Leel stopped. "Yaar ya baat pehle kyun na kahi? Bina baat ke pitgya... Sorry yaar Shaktiman!"

He kicked again...

That big Punjabi fool, instead of dashing out of the stadium, kept on running on that 400m track of the stadium to get away from the guys. Haryana could've won many medals in crappy races if he'd still have legs. We crippled SHAKTIMAN!

Finally, when Shaktiman discovered the magical gate that led out of Narnia and ran away, Jordi was left shouting,

Though my previous experience at the movies didn't go very well, I've decided to give it another try primarily because this time I'm gonna have a partner. I have secretly promised myself to somehow meet the same guy who was the sole cause of my One Week Depression and shout at him, "In your face!!!! Sucker!"
But before that, my famous extraordianry mind has been careful enough to interpret some things about the movies. I'm thankful to this extraordinary, yet unemployed mind of mine because its because of it that people from "far off lands" come to take my advice on the movies...

1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
(Because if you've got enough money to make a movie, you must be able to buy some Goddamn parking space)
2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. (Because then he can work without 'sleeping on duty')
3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. (Cause Farah Khan has already been there)
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. (Because I designed them)
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. (Because you chose the 'One On One' among the wide range of options they offer you before a fight)
6. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. (Because opposites attract, and then you can have some sex scenes)
7. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak the native language to each other. (Because not even the French speak french when they are alone)
8. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. ( Any oppurtunities of bloodshed are welcome, even in light comdies)
9. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. (Because burning buildings don't accept Credit Cards)
10. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child. (Because the child is unaware of its power........Ok, so is the dinosaur, but it is 65 million years old, it should've known)
11. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on. ( Figure that one out yourself and I shall write a post just about you)

Okay, I've gone bald. And here are a few things I noticed...

1. My head is freakishly round.

2. Right now, my hair style looks like Kuno Becker's from Goal. But unlike him, I'm not gonna play for Newcastle Utd. or Real Madrid. I have decided to captain ManU in 2015, just after I make coupla blockbusters for Dreamworks.

• A 2 hr animation starring Sridhar and Sigtia in a live-in relationship.


• One about Nishant, Me, and a door. With an item number called Mere Haathon Mein..., to be performed by me obviously.


• One about my hacking capabilities. (This one may be a trilogy cause its gonna be long and may involve a 'lot' of special effects)


• One about Himanshu and his little finger. I'm assuming he has told his parents ki ab to job lagne ke baad hi doctor ko dikhayega.


• One about Anuj and Gossip Girl. And then a sequel with Desperate Housewives, then with Gilmore Girls, and finally, "Sax(ena) and the City."


• One about everyone who owes me a treat. (Lakshmy, count yourself twice. You got a double role. And Nishant, you a triple role, roz khilata hoon tujhe to!)
• A short story (10 mins maybe) about the technological literacy in Jats.

3. I still have that dent in my head. Its like a pot hole where you can store water in summers.

4. Apparently bald people look good in large sunglasses. I look like a bald Shabana Azmi.

You know how people do crazy things sometimes? Yeah, that happens a lot in some places. My friends think all things crazy are done by the people from Haryana. Well, most of them actually are. But I've figured out that more than just one crazy race of people. (NOT THE JATS. We are above all that stuff. We are a whole different, but cool level of craziness.)

So anyways, its now almost one year since I got into this college, and these are a few things I have learnt and observed for which only an extraordinary mind like mine can care to write about. There are more, but my extraordinary mind can't remember them now.

Now this may even be my last one, cause a lot of people are going to want to kill me after this...

1. You don't get caught cheating in a test and then try to convince the invigilator to not to cut your marks by saying again and again, " Sir, please sir, career at stake!" SERIOUSLY??

2. When you are being ignored by the girl, you don't ask her, " Why don't you Hi me anymore?".....It was almost too funny to write without spelling mistakes.( And the same goes for any spelling mistake I ever make. I don't care if its in an obituary)

3. When you've got more hair than the Yeti and the Big Foot combined, you don't send forwarded messages to a girl you are interested in, then message her two minutes later asking why she doesn't want to talk to the Loch Ness Monster anymore. And you don't go to meet her with another friend who's a bigger despo than the chair he's sitting on in a place which is less romantic than the wallpaper in my phone( Nokia N73 3.2 megapixel, Lamb Of God wallpaper....You probably already know why I told you about the 3.2).

4. You don't just choose five random girls and start chatting with them on net without anything from either of the girls indicating that they were looking for hairy, pink shirt wearing guys to hook up with. The girls downloading something from your data is "not" a signal to do that unless "someone" has written a program that says so. If someone has, then I gotta hack that shit!

5. The rare, amazing ability to puke without getting drunk is not that good......Oh, this is too good to hide..it was Sigtia.

6. When you can bitch all day about people who deserve it, and if you have a lot of those around, maybe its a good idea to make a record label out of it.

7. You don't post gay things on Orkut. And you don't use the word 'dude' too many times. Believe me, "its not good".........And here comes the line.

8. This one's good. This guy is unaware of the existence of the option called 'Open in New Window.' If he had his Orkut Scrapbook open in one window and he wanted Orkut Home in another, he had to open a new window and login in orkut all over again. AND HE IS NOT A "JAT", if that's what comes to your mind right now.

9. If you have some unhealthy outgrowth on your little finger that looks like a large magnified version of your dildo, it is not something you brag about. And showing 'that' to people instead of your middle finger, its "NOT" cool. Really.

10. You don't just start growling when you have nothing to say...that's not even lame.

11. If you haven't had a bath for 4 days there's still no reason to tell that to 15 people at a time. And if there's a girl in the group who hasn't had a bath for 4 days too, believe me, the smell is still coming from only you.

12. Even if the girls in Gossip Girl are hot, its still no excuse to watch it guys.

13. This one was gonna be about Nishant, but I've made enough enemies for one day.

I was talking to Sigtia and Nishant* about my first post the other day, and they got me thinking about what if someone from my place read my post. I know that the chances of something like this happening are like one in a million, but I tell ya, roaming around and throwing stones in cow crap can be pretty boring sometimes. And pretty dirty too. But no one cares about that. Its not as if Chanel’s next is going to be "The Jat fragrance", is it?

I just don’t want a hundred Jats just waiting to beat me up at the Delhi airport as soon as I land. And I know for a fact that no one stops Jats. We Jats always have it our way, even in Delhi. You should see the way people look at us. The respect, the feel when you walk with all those eyes knowing what you are, nothing matches it. People can actually somehow sense that a Jat is coming. They just make way for us. Maybe its the smell...but that's only when its me.
Maybe I'll just gift my friends a copy of Spidey 3 in Haryanvi and they'll let me go. They were really pissed when it was released in Bhojpuri and not in Haryanvi. Bhojpuri is just some random words misspelt and put together. Haryanvi is much better, it gives you that feeling to which there're no words. Just imagine Spiderman saying,

Ah what the hell, even I have a blog now.
This one's gotta be rare in Haryana. I bet I'm the first Jat to have a blog.
Jats don't do that much. Well, Jats don't do anything much. Except of course, swearing and kicking ass. But that's a part of their charm. They also have a weird perception of technology. They'd work on a computer like they are milking a buffalo. I bet they'd even try to cross breed an HP with a Lenovo.
But then technology was never as interesting as finding out how much a buffalo poops in a day.

So, here I am...
1. The first Jat on Blogger.
2. The first Jat to try to hack into the CIA. They don't know who they messed with. Langley is gonna be a part of Haryana in a coupla years.
3. The first Jat fan of Porcupine Tree and Foo Fighters and not Ragini by Ramchandra Hooda. Damn you Sigtia!
4. The first Jat to get high on just half a pint of beer. How can I go back with my head on my body?
5. I'm also probably the first one to list both Lord Of The Rings and Sandook Mein Bandook as my favorite movies.



So, against all odds, i'm here. I don't know what I'm gonna write over here. Although i got 96/100 in English board exam but i still carry a dictionary in my cellphone. But what the hell, I'll find something, I read books. And other people's phone messages. And their Facebook wall posts. Not my fault, no one posts on my wall!